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Thursday, November 8, 2012

Can You Last After the Orgasm?

All four walls have been climbed on.  Bed posts have been smashed repeatedly into every wall in the room.  Mattresses are imprinted tributes to the type of circus love that makes Barnum and Bailey blush.  His back is scratched so much he looks like he's been wrestling with wolves through the night.  Her legs are now shaped like pretzels.  The cops have come by numerous times because neighbors hear a woman screaming so loud that she sounds as if she's being bounced around into oblivion.  When sex resembles a shuttle trip to Mars, produces heat like the sun and leaves shooting stars in both your eyes, it can leave you staring at the ceiling, smoke in hand, sweat on your brow thinking, "Damn...damn...damn...I want more but I can't move my legs."

After you crawl out of bed to the shower, cool off, get dressed for the hundredth time, kiss good bye and drive (or fly) back home you confirm within yourself, "Ok, the sex is beyond good, it's historical.  I want this to last.  How do I keep him interested outside the bedroom?  Is sexual chemistry all we have?"

In some cases, sex is all two people will ever have.  Mostly because when people learn and know each other's circumstances outside the bedroom and really do not want the responsibility of engaging a person's whole life, sex protects from larger "real life" realities. I refer to these types of arrangements as "sport sex."  Fun, exploration, escape and sensual games take place, people get what they came for and then go home until the next game begins.  Fuck buddies, jump-off partners, booty callers, etc.- these are classic sex-based relationships that thrive off lust.  When the lust is gone or replaced by a fresh body, the sex ends.  Period.

For some, sport sex is an escape from work, stress, marriage or bad sex with someone else.  It is what it is.  But what happens when someone wants to extend the interest of another beyond the bedroom?

I've had approximately 300 readers ask, "How do I keep a man interested after sex?"

At the risk of oversimplifying their plight, I'm speculating that they lured men with the pussy and now want more OR they are contemplating giving up the pussy and want to make sure they position themselves to have a shelf life longer than a few romps in the sack.  No matter which scenario fits you, consider the following:

  1. Mind over Matter.  His mind must be had to make his dick matter.  Do you even know what he wants?  Do you know how valuable he thinks you are?  If you can accurately answer those two questions and are reasonably confident in your theories, you are on the right track. If you don't know the answers, if you decide to jump in the sack anyway you agree to whatever outcome results- even if it means you go into the one-and-done category.
  2. Be You.  Intelligent women with a sense of humor last longer.  In other words, have something to say.  Have views.  Have interests.  Do not take yourself so seriously that you are always trying to look your best, sound perfect and act like what you think he wants.  Eventually, you'll get branded as shallow, dumb or fake if you refuse to be the same YOU that you'd be doing the laundry in sweat pants.  If a man wants a model, he can buy a magazine or just watch porn.  If you feel you always have to be prepared to be his personal centerfold or porn queen, you're in an arrangement as the hired "entertainment."  Face facts. You've been objectified and you can either take it or leave it.
  3. Ask POWERFUL questions.  So many women take the same two routes.  They either talk too much and think in their minds, "He listens so well.  I feel like we really got to know each other."  Or they ask stupid ass questions that only require YES or NO responses from men and assume they have attained worthwhile insights.  Here's the deal, balance is required.  What I mean is, share what you wish to share but ask open-ended questions that begin with phrases like: How do you feel about...Describe what you think about...Tell me something I'd be surprised to know...How would you describe your experience with...etc.  Asking powerful questions means that you provide men a chance to elaborate and share.  The art of being a conversationalist is lost on many women in this game.  Some of them simply don't have the poise, intelligence, patience or ability.  Those women that know how to pick a man's brain tend to last longer than a few hotel room visits.
  4. Align.  This is a very clever persuasive tactic.  Ask a powerful question.  Hear what he says.  Repeat to him what you are hearing him say.  Ask him if you are understanding him right.  He will say yes OR elaborate more.  If he says yes, tell him something about you or ask another powerful question.  If he elaborates more, keep listening, repeat what you are hearing and keep it going.  The more you do this, the more he feels you are interested, that you two are on the same page, in tune...together.  
  5. Hand Jobs.  Men like women that are interested in them.  It's that simple.  There's nothing worse than a broad that never asks any questions about a guy, they seem selfish and cold.  Stroke the male ego by asking powerful questions, listening, repeating what you hear and throwing in a compliment when appropriate.  If you know how to talk and listen to a man, you will have his dick and his mind in your hands, under your spell.
  6. Talk Dirty In Bed.  I won't go into this now but pillow talk is the key to keeping him interested out of bed....more to come on this, only if you want ;)

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Thanks for contributing, I'd love to keep hearing from you and encourage you to be as candid and insightful as you wish!