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Monday, October 29, 2012

Wants = Needs = The Real You

What do you want?  A 3000 Sq. foot home, Mercedes, more money, vacations?

What do you need?  Food, family, friends, love?

Commonly, things you want are categorized as "extras" or "cherries on top"- things you get after you get the basics.

On the other end, things you need are characterized as "requirements" or "basics" - things you must have to be healthy or establish a status of living.

But what if all you go-getters, groupies, mistresses, hos, jump-offs, ex-wives and girlfriends are looking at your wants and needs entirely wrong?  Usually women meet men and decide that they need respect, honesty and freedom to choose.  In addition, these same women want gifts, trips, good looks and lifestyle statuses.  But there is a problem with how women determine their wants and needs when engaging men.  The thought process women currently embrace around this topic is primitive and lacks true insight.

Here's a revolutionary thought: there is no difference between a want and a need.

Keepers embrace this truth.

So the BMW or Mercedes you crave is not just a want, it's a need.  The diamond ring you visualize on your finger is not just a want, it's a need.  Yes, you need those red bottomed heels to be happy.  If this seems too shallow and unrealistic to you, it's because you still don't understand.  Don't worry, that's why you have a pimp like me in your life.  Follow closely.

Women make the mistake of not just prioritizing their wants and needs, but actually degrading themselves in the process of demonstrating practicality.  In other words, most women underestimate the meanings behind their own wants and needs.  So moving forward when you are contemplating what's important to you, pondering your so-called wants versus your so-called needs, consider the following.

Whether you think and feel you want or need something, do not assume that if you get it you will be fulfilled.  Especially if you do not take the time to ask yourself two very important questions:

  • What does this want/need say about me?
  • If I obtain this want/need, what part of me gets fulfilled?     

Most women have no idea that when their wants/needs are satisfied that they may still not be satisfied.  Usually when lack of fulfillment happens, the process by which women have initially determined their wants/needs was flawed.  In other words, most women do not stop to consider that their wants/needs reveal more about what's missing in their lives than money can really pay for.  As a result, these women end up creating even more lists of wants...needs...demands...standards...requirements, etc.

Filling a bottomless hole is quite improbable without direction.

Start with the basics.  Realize that you have beliefs about how the world is, who you are in relation to your circumstances and what you feel you deserve.  "I am a good person."  "I am from a good family or community."  "I deserve to be happy because I am a good person from a good family."  These are beliefs.

Beliefs impact values, and vice versa.  Honesty, integrity, loyalty- these are examples of values.  So, "I am a good person because I am honest and loyal."  Beliefs are founded on values, just as values shape beliefs.  So take a look at your wants/needs and ask yourself, "What do my wants/needs say about my beliefs and values?"

If you do this, you will begin to pinpoint whether or not your are correctly identifying your wants and needs based on who you really are.  Otherwise, the real you will keep imploring you to create more wants/needs in search of the truth.  You will ask for things you want, demand things you feel you need.  Constant feelings of incompleteness, anxiety, insecurity and desperation emerge.  Needy women epitomize these emotions and are like bottomless pits of insatiable black holes that suck the life out of every relationship they touch.  Men that meet these women soon learn that no amount of time, money, gifts, vacations or even compliments will tame the succubus-like emotional voids constantly lurking behind every request made by these needy women.

So when you say you want or need a "man with financial means," what you really mean is that you want "companionship and security to feel safe."  So it's not the BMW that you want/need, it's the emotional fulfillment you get from what the the BMW represents that unveils the real you.  Keepers understand their beliefs and values and know why they want and need what they desire.  Needy women have no idea of what their own beliefs and values are, so they just keep roaming and begging for some sort of satisfaction that never results.    

Thursday, October 25, 2012

The Morning After...Do You Get a Call?

Eyes meet from a simple glance.  Glances turn into stares.  Stares lead to entrancement so the dance begins.  He moves closer to where you are.  You sway instinctively into the paths you hope that he crosses.  Like a well oiled pendulum, back and forth intrigue weaves a web of smoldering curiosity that engulfs both your minds to degrees which defy mother's wise words or daddy's tales of caution.

Your place or his?  In the car or in the bed?  Panties to the side or just take them off?

Facing each other now, what separates the beastly urges in both of you are the mere formalities of learning one another's names, age ranges and general ability to speak enough of the same language to get from point A to Z before the sun rises, or sets if you're a morning libertine.  Other than the basics, your purring and his leering are a few moments away from public indecency if you both don't decide soon whether or not to skip the main course and just smother yourselves in the most taboo sensual dessert called The One Night Stand.

Touch but not taste?  Grind but don't plunge?  Tease or just take?

It could morph from a dance that reveals much very soon.  It could emerge from a drink that flows into your lips too fast.  It could be the result of devilish suggestions from honey tipped tongues that melt across your mind in the right ways at the right times.  When the moment your mind and body achieve steadfast harmony to engage the symphony of lust, you know it because you think: "He can have some, now."  Your One Night Stand has been debated, voted on and passed through your own congress of Lady Rules and is now destined for the Hall of Skeletons in Closets.

Gentle or rough?  Loud or quietly?  Flesh or Not?

Decisions haunt your mind almost intently as lifeblood rushes through your inner thighs and the peaks of your bosom point to exactly what you want.  Your hands do spider crawls to places on him you want to ensure prove worth one night minus caution.  His hands go where you allow after you've gripped what could be something which feels like the very thing you've always imagined that could fit you the way gloves fit perfectly match hands.  It's what you want, no doubt at all.

Ride or lay back?  Quick or slow?  Pull out or leave it in?

Only you and your fantasy know the answers.  But after the souls are exchanged, the sun rises or sets and you transform back into that lady that you are, what next?

Mental tricks may invade.  Did I go to far, too soon?  Should I have said what I said so loudly?  Does he think I do this all the time?  What kind of woman does he think that I am now?  Is he going to even call me again?  Will he call me too much?  I wonder if I should go get a check-up?  Did I make a baby last night?  Would I do it again with him?  Should I call him today or wait?

Yes, depending on how far the wizards of lust entranced your body, mind and spirit you may ask some of those previous questions after a One Night Stand.  All answers are debatable.  No answers are improbable.  One night flings leave an uncertain reality for some.

So what do men think of women after a one night stand?

The answer may sound crude, but dumb women are left guessing or clueless.

Smart women know exactly what men think of them after a one night stand.

If you are left guessing or even clueless about what men think of you after a one-and-done, he most likely thinks you are a untrustworthy, impressionable, undisciplined and lying ho.  Double standard?  Yes.  (The Double Standard is an entirely different blog...later for that.)

However, if you know exactly what men think of you after a one-and-done, you are a Keeper, a very smart woman.  This means that you understand, know and saw what you wanted, took what you wanted without expectations afterwards, enjoyed it and are ok with whatever transpires or not afterwards.  Smart women don't play "hope games" with their prized possession.

No it's not that glorious kitten between your legs, it's your mind.  Dumb women are always guessing or clueless, that's mental torture.  They play dice games with their own sanity.

Smart women make up their minds how they intend to feel before the deed is done and they stick with it.  If more develops from a one night stand, this means that smart women met, picked and engaged men without double standards- more to enjoy again is possible.

Dumb women guess and usually guess wrong, pick wrong and end up with more skeletons than they will ever admit.

How do men view women after one night stands?

Women it depends on what kind of man you pull and how accurate you are in sizing up your one night stand partner.  One way to know if you were the dumb or smart woman is how you feel when or if he calls.  Men think of you as much as you accurately know their characters.

More to come on this topic...        

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Polyamory: The New Monogamy?

Boy meets girl.  Girl learns that Boy already has girlfriend/wife.  Girl and Boy get together anyway.

Girlfriend/wife learns about New Girl.  Girlfriend/wife stays with Boy.  New Girl stays with Boy too.  Now Boy has Girlfriend/wife and New Girl.  Is this cheating?

Traditional claims will say: Boy is a dog.  Girlfriend/wife is stupid.  New Girl is a homewreckin' ho!

But what if this scenario is more common or just as prevalent as good old fashioned one man-one woman "monogamous" relationships?  What if more people are knowingly but quietly sharing partners?

If so, what sort or people do this?  What are the "rules of engagement" that make such seemingly complex "threesomes" less complicated?

Only those that engage in such bonds would really know.  I can say that these polyamorous relationships differ quite a bit from Swinging, which is based purely on sexual intrigue.  Mutually consenting, polyamorous relationships are creeping into mainstream circles discreetly with similar dynamics of traditional relationships.  This means that more and more people are somehow coming to terms with their own presently unique or non-traditional ideas on what love, faithfulness and compatibility means.

Of course I suspect that men would be more accepting of the "poly" union as long as they do not have to share women.  I also suspect that most women would openly say they would never choose to willingly share a man with another woman.  But people say the lots of things, right?

But what do people actually do?

More than half of marriages end in divorce.  Aside from money, infidelity is a top reason for separations and divorces.  A February 2012 article via the Washington Post cited: "In a 1991 study, sex researcher Shere Hite found that 70 percent of married women have cheated on their partners; a 1993 follow-up study found that 72 percent of married men have as well. According to a 2004 University of Chicago study, 25 percent of married men have had at least one extramarital affair. And with more than 12 million members looking for extramarital intimacy on Web site AshleyMadison.com (tagline: “Life is short. Have an affair.”), it’s easier than ever to break marriage vows. A wedding ring is not insurance against cheating."

The fact is, more than half or married people cheat.  People have different reasons for cheating in traditional marriages but what if they did not have to cheat?

A close friend of mine is married to a woman that is open to sharing him under very specific conditions.  He met another woman who was interested in having an affair.  But when he told the woman that he didn't really have to cheat because his wife was open to sharing, the woman opted not to deal with him.  He offered me this insight on the possible reasons why the other woman did not engage the situation:

  1. The Other woman felt safer being a secret because secrets have power.
  2. The Other woman probably wanted more than an affair.
  3. The Other woman was intimidated by the wife.
  4. The Other woman could not leverage the affair against the husband.
  5. The Other woman did not want another woman to know she was open to sharing willingly.
  6. Secret affairs are the norm in the minds of people that believe in traditional unions- anything else is too risky or unusual.  

It's funny to me how willing lots of woman are to engage married or attached men, especially if they can remain separate or a secret from the wife/girlfriend.  But I wonder if there would be less drama and healthier relationships if people just shared openly under their own specific rules of engagement?