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Monday, November 19, 2012

Kiss and Tale?

Let's face it.  Secrets are secrets to avoid discovery, hurt or embrassment.  What people do not know can only hurt, embarass or disrupt if unveiled.  Secrets are powerful truths that not only control the people involved but the status quo mindsets of the people the secrets are kept from.

Just think about the power of secrets.  The peace of mind of the wife of a cheating husband is in the hands of some lustful, opportunistic mistress.  The pride and joy of the father to a daughter secretly moonlighting as an adult entertainer could be in the hands of some gentleman's club owner or porn producer.  Secrets control those in the know and those clueless to the facts- power.

In the world of mistresses, secrets take on extra dimensions.  While the husband or boyfriend goes home to the wife or girlfriend with lips as tight as locked caskets in a graveyard.  The Other Woman goes home to sleep alone, harbor her trysts into the recesses of her mind and wait for the next opportunity to see the man of another woman.  Often overlooked is the added sacrifice mistresses make when dealing with attached men: they often forsake traditional dating and even family lives to do so.

If propositioned by another man, a wife can state, "I'm married."  The mistress may say, "It's complicated" or "I am involved already" but inside she thinks, "Am I passing up being number one to a man to be a mistress, am I going to regret this moment?"

On Holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas or New Years families gather.  The wife greets relatives and friends at the side of her husband with entitlement.  The mistress may appear at her own family gatherings alone fielding questions from friends and family like, "When are we going to see your boyfriend?"  "How long are you going to be single?"

Eventually mistresses learn to field inquisitions into their love lives with carefully rehearsed phrases like, "I'm dating but nothing serious," "I'm seeing someone but I don't want to talk about it until I know it's serious," "I don't like to discuss my personal life."  But inside, these Other Women want to scream to the world, "He really wants to be with me," "He left his wife for me," "We love each other."  But they can't share openly.  No one can know.  Secret relationship require discretion.

So what happens to Other Women when they can't share their secrets, good times, feelings and hopes with someone?  What takes place in their minds when they can't tell their friends and family about their relationships?  After all, would friends and family gladly say, "As long as you are happy with being second to his wife, everything will be good.  Don't mess it up.  You've got a good thing happening"?  Slim chance, right?

Secrets make mistresses lonely.  Arguments, good times, great memories are all tucked away into the secret places of a mistress's mind and heart.  All to protect the life, marriage and maybe even families of the men they are sharing with wives.  To what end do the mistresses reach as they shut off a parts of themselves for the sake of a married men?

I always tell women in these situations to have at least one confidant they can trust.  While secrets may protect married men, what about the well being and even safety of mistresses?  Whether the confidant is a family member or close friend, someone needs to know.  Mistresses place themselves in very compromising situations to sneak around with married men.  Someone should know where a mistress spends her secret times just in case the fantasy takes a turn into the realm of nightmare or ends abruptly like a horrible night terror.

Besides, secrets only have as much power as people allow.  Why should mistresses allow themselves to be secrets more vulnerable to the status of obscurity?  With a confidant and possible witness, mistresses ensure their own stint in the wings is protected and possibly witnessed.  More importantly, if the experience proves worthwhile, the book or story of the mistress may need a foreword by the secret confidant!  :)



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